On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
