Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
