i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
