All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
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I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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