Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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