Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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