Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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