Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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