Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
