So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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