my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
