and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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