i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
