If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
COCAINE IS GR8
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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