why didn't you poke me back
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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