i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
