Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
