why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
