i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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