my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
