My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.