Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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