just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
