my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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