Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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