i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
