It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
