I think my vagina is haunted
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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