My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
