Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
