shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude i'm inner monologue high
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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