meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
