I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
