Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
