Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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