I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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