he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
