Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
