Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Two words: blizzard sex
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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