On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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