It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
