Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
