I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
