so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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