based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
