dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
