6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
zippers are such a cool invention
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
