Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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