Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
