I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All the doctor said was why
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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