I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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