Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
