he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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