I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
