Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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