She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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