I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
