does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize