dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
