I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
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It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.