I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?