I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun