i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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