I hate all girls vehemently.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
