I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
