kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
