I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
